I love being a mom. I really really do, but it’s hard. I’m tired a lot and I mostly don’t know what I’m doing…which is weird because it actually feels totally natural.
Even though things feel hard and messy and confusing I can honestly say that I am the absolute happiest that I have ever been.
But big transitions in life come with a sort of identity crisis and I’ve found myself smack dab in the middle of one.
My world has totally shifted and I’m trying to make sense of it all. While I knew this change was coming (I essentially had 9 months to prepare) it still feels sudden and unexpected.
It can be hard to really put yourself into a future experience and truly understand what it’s going to be like.
I planned and prepared but I didn’t really get it until I was in it.
So now I’m in it, this new phase of my life and I’m wondering who am I? Where do I belong? And what is it that I really want?
Have you ever experienced this? Maybe triggered by a shift in your career, the end (or beginning) of a relationship, or some life event that has landed you on new ground, in a new role, and you’re trying to find your footing again.
Do you catch yourself wondering, who am I now that everything has shifted?
I get it. When we experience a shift in one of our roles it can take a bit of time to get acclimated. I’m noticing that for myself now.
The world I once felt very connected to is one that now feels far away.
Before I felt very connected to some of my childfree entrepreneurial friends, but phone chats, brainstorming and business planning have taken a back seat. And while they’re off traveling the world, I’m sitting in bed nursing the babe scrolling through their Instagrams at 3am.
The truth is, I don’t wish things to be different, but I don’t feel part of that world anymore.
And while I’m okay with that, it’s what I want (and have wanted for a very long time), there are still some confusing and conflicting feelings there.
I feel like I’m in a new world, one that I’m just not too sure how to navigate quite yet.
I love being a mom, a wife, an entrepreneur and a coach. I love cuddling my baby, going out to dinner on a date with my hubby, writing, traveling and speaking. I love quiet time, working out, yoga and book clubs. But truth be told, these past almost 10 weeks have had a single focus and I’m now just starting to wonder how I might try and fit these other parts of me in.
Yes, I know it takes time and I will figure it out – guess what?! You will too! Some things will go and some things will stay. Priorities will shift and a new rhythm will be found.
One thing that can be helpful is to look at overarching character and value themes in your roles (ie. integrity, kindness, honesty). Identify ways that you can maintain those themes in your new roles, this can help you to feel as though your identity remains intact AND serve as a guide as you transition into a new role.
So my advice to you (and to myself) is to be open to this new identity. Reflect on who you are now and what it is that you really want WHILE ALSO finding peace with not having all the answers.
Settle into the newness and the uncertainty and know that everything will unfold with time.
Maintain the connections that feel good and allow for them to transcend your old world and welcome them into the new. Maybe they’ll fit, maybe they won’t – either way it is okay.
Gift yourself time to figure it out. Do what feels good. And enjoy what’s in the present. I know for myself I am soaking in this baby time – it’s not going to last forever and I want to be as present as I possibly can.
I have a new version of what “having it all” really means to me, while I recognize that having it all might be possible, having it all right now not so much (and truth be told having it all right now is not what I want).
I want to invite you now to reflect on these things for yourself. Who are you, where do you belong and what is it that you truly want?
What values and character traits tend to be themes across your roles? Which do you want to maintain as you transition into a new role? How do you want to “be” in this new world?
What is your version of having it all? What will allow for you to be happy right now? What do you need in order to live a connected and meaningful life?
I’d love to hear from you either in the comments below (in the blog) or simply hit “reply” if you are receiving this in your inbox!
Here’s to navigating big changes!
